On February 26th, I had an appointment with my midwife. I went into the appointment feeling "very done" with this pregnancy. Strangely, I wasn't even due, so I was surprised that I felt that was already. Right before my appointment, I walked around Spring Lake (about 3 1/2 miles) and sadly wasn't feeling as much pressure as I had been for the last few weeks. Anyway, I go in and we do the routine things and then she asked if I wanted to get checked. I was planning on saying, "no," but I said, "yes" instead. Well, baby had moved out of place and his head was off to the side. I was crushed. She also realized that I had a smaller baby than previously though. I just had a lot of extra fluid. I was dilated to a 3 and she told me that I wouldn't be having a baby tonight. Not cool. I left feeling defeated and went home a cried. I remember telling my mom and she came over to help me clean my house. Here I am sitting with my little Finn <3
That night before bed, in my prayers I pleaded to Him to get this baby out of me. I also pleaded for my life and for the baby's life. I was scared all of the sudden. For the first time in my life I went into labor afraid and let me tell you it made a huge difference, for the worse.
I woke up at midnight when Griffin got home and felt a little contraction. (Hey my midwife was right, I didn't have the baby that night, I went into labor the next morning, lol) I went to the bathroom and went back to bed for a couple more hours. At 2 AM, I felt a strong surge that woke me up. I got up and went to the bathroom again, but they didn't stop. I started timing them and the were 2 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds. I called the midwife to give her a heads up because they assumed that I would have a short labor.
About a half and hour later, they were longer and closer together, I called my friend Cazra and one of my photographers, Seana to give them a heads up as well. I was talking through contractions, even though it was very difficult. Seana thought she had more time because I was handling myself so well (haha) All this time I had been trying to wake Griffin up (remember he got home at midnight, so he was very tired) He finally got up at 3 and got the tub going. He called the rest of the people he was supposed to and then helped me through contractions. I remember him doing counter pressure and I said, "No wonder people pay me to do this, it feels great!" Finally the tub was ready for me.
One midwife made it to our home about 4 and checked me. I was at 7cm! I was totally shocked, I was thinking maybe 5cm. Once I was in the tub the contractions were just as intense, but I had more time in between. That was heaven sent. Throughout labor I was throwing up and tensing up A LOT. two things that I never did before. Like I said before I was afraid. I was afraid that the baby and I would die. This was pretty irrational, but after suffering a miscarriage a year prior, I guess it was a little justified. I felt powerless at some points during labor. I remember it hurting, also something I didn't feel with my other labors. I even thought in my head at one point, maybe a Cesarian wouldn't be so bad. Yup, I skipped right over pain medication and went right to surgery. Stupid fear. The other details are a little blurry because I was trying my best to stay focused. The other midwife, Roseanne, Cazra and my photographers, Sophia and Seana came at some point. I only remember opening my eyes after the birth and seeing a home full of people that I love.
Back to 4 am when I was 7am, I had about 2 more contractions and then my body started to push. Again, I was shocked. I didn't push with every contraction, but my body was working on getting this baby out for sure. Finally, with a contraction, I pushed so hard that I broke my water and baby came crashing down into my pelvis. That really hurt. I even said, "Why did it hurt? My water just broke." The next push was baby's head, then 2 pushes for shoulders and a final push for baby's body. He was born at 5:28 am. three and a half hours from the first real contraction! Griffin announced that we had another (healthy!) boy! I was so happy to have him out of me, but I was feeling a bit sad already about the birth. I was sad that I let fear cause me to have a less than perfect birth (what is that anyway?) I was however relieved that we were all alive and doing well.
I only need one stitch! This was a relief because I tore so badly with the other boys. She asked if she could just stitch my up without numbing me. I was totally ok with that because it was either that or get a shot to numb me. They pretty much feel the same. Our baby boy was breathing well and latched on right away. He was too precious. I also hardly bled and my uterus was nice and hard (thank you red raspberry leaf tea!) It was so nice to have him at home and not have to go anywhere and be surrounded by family and friends. We named him Rowan Stark Bean and he weighed in at 8lb 14oz and was 20 1/2 inches long (my smallest yet!) He arrived 3 days before his guess date though, so that could be why. Now we are a happy family with 3 boys!